I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
