Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
