she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Randomize
