I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
