Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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