we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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