I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
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