giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
