so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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