4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
is wine microwaveable?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
