I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
