Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
