I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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