she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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