drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
