So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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