if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
This house was built for laser tag.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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