i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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