So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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