So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize