I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
