Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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