I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
