dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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