I am puke
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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