Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
