thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
