I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
