I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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