I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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