i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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