Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
