I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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