Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
