Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
