the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
