If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We have so much sex to catch up on
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
