just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
