Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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