11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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