sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
