After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
