her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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