She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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