Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
