Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
