he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he puts the penis in happiness.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
