I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
