I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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