M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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