I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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