When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
