I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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