today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize
