Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
