I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
