Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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