My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
