If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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