I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
