theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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