im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
