You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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