What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize