Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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