so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
