going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize