yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
