What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
