btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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