When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
