And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
