I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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