matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
50% drunk capacity currently
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
