i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
