I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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