Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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