it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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