There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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