it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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