So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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