so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
