why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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