i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
