Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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