Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
