Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
