I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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