There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
