can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
