someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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