I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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