it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
