suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
