boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
