Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
