i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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