You smell like a Billy Joel song
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
