when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
