Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
