you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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