On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
