He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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