I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize