My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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