Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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