I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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