In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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