i think my mom watched the whole time
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
