Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
