i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
