i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
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