Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
